I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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