Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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