I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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