Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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