Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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