Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
