Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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