so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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