I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
