as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
