FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
