oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize