My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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