I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize