apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
