just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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