So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
