I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
