and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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