I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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