Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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