hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
