I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
