i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
