dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
