Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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