You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
