Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
