So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
