so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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