I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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