Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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