We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
