woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
