I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
