He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
