Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
