So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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