My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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