How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Randomize
