You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
