My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
