I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
