Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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