don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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