It's like God shit irony all over that family
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Mom said you looked used
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
