you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
