I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
