Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
What a dumb baby whore.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
