thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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