Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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