i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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