i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize