my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
