I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
