What a fucking waste of an outfit
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
