I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
