toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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