so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
