I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
