I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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