Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
