The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
