Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
