24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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