Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
