I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
