Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
