The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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