My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
